Pause Blog On Overload, Overwhelm & Life In General

Reflection: When something good happens to you, are you delighted? Or, do you find yourself anxious – certain that just around the corner looms a steep drop from a cliff or a painful kick in the shins?

Texas researcher, Brene Brown, in her studies on emotional health and vulnerability, reports that far too few of us allow ourselves to fully experience joy, love and good news. As a result, we lose out on the opportunity to fill our reservoirs for any tough times that may eventually make an appearance.

She sees people steeling themselves against possible future vulnerability in these ways:

• Experiencing things joyful as a foreboding harbinger of disaster ahead.
• Embracing disappointment as a lifestyle, maintaining a low-grade disconnection from life.
• Not letting ourselves get excited or passionate about some thing or some one, so we won’t be let down if things don’t pan out.
• Numbing emotion through extremes of eating, drinking, spending, working, and perfectionism. (All of which can be attempts to quell a sense of not being ‘enough’ – or in our fame obsessed culture, not being ‘extraordinary enough’.)

Action: What’s the alternative to cowering behind a highly polished, mega shield, firewall of synthetic invulnerability? Read More…

Posted under Appreciation, Life Balance, Life in General, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines

Reflection: What do you think? When it comes to work-life conflict and balance, are we making progress or sliding deeper into the morass? Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets.

To help us determine the results, Ontario researchers, Duxbury and Higgins, have just released their 2012 survey of Canadian employees. It’s the third time in two decades (1991 and 2001) that they have gone to the proverbial well to set benchmarks for how we are doing on the work life frontier.

I can tell you now, if you placed your bet on ‘backsliding’, you are a clear winner. But, of course that means, that Canadian workplaces and employees are the losers. Here are a few highlights from the survey info provided by 25,000 Canadian employees.

• Work demands continue to increase dramatically. The typical employee now spends 50.2 hours in work related activities each week. By gender, 68% of men and 54% of women now work more than 45 hours per week compared to 55% of men and 39% of women in the 2001 survey.
• Work spills into ‘off-hours’. 54% of employees take work home on evenings and weekends where they spend another 7 hours/week on work (much of it email).
• Role overload is common. 40% report high levels of total role overload. The source? 32% report high work role overload and 26% report high family role overload.
• The impact of work life conflict on the workplace includes absenteeism, reduced productivity and increased draws on employee benefits. The personal impact includes loss of sleep, low energy, and less time for selves – notably fewer social and recreation activities.

As you might guess, stress levels are up. 57% report high levels of stress, and 40% report moderate levels of stress. Only a lucky 3% report low levels of stress.

Action: D & H offer these recommendations for organizations. Read More…

Posted under Life Balance, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines

Auberge De La Fontaine Balcony

Reflection: What are YOU waiting for? Something exciting? Something unnerving? Something uncertain?

In the days leading up to Christmas my five year old grandson was beside himself with anticipation, “I can’t wait to see what Santa brings me!” But, of course, he could and he did, because there was nothing to do but wait – no way to hurry the day.

My daughter is nearing the end of her pregnancy. As her due date draws near, she waits. And we wait, too. Babies take their own sweet time.

In an effort to balance the budget, a major local institution announced that jobs will be lost. Forty in January and more in April. And so, hundreds of people wait to find out whether any pink slips bear their names. They’re not in control of the timing or the decisions, and short of jumping ship in advance, there’s no way to hurry a resolution.

The challenge in the midst of the waiting game is one of staying calm. Of course, good things (like babies and gifts) are easier to await. Other things – not so much. In fact, big issues like potential job losses or major health challenges are serious indeed.

However, when the challenges aren’t that gargantuan or obvious, drumming your fingertips and scanning the skies for a sign can still be unsettling. WAIT (Why Am I Tense?) is a good question to ask. Your answers may suggest some ways to cope. What often stresses us out are the potential bad news stories we tell ourselves about things to come. Getting a handle on those is a first step. Read More…

Posted under Appreciation, Life Balance, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines

Ethan's 'Bird & Toast'

Reflection: We’re now a full week into 2013. Chances are good that you’ve already goofed up on something; or if not yet, soon will. That’s not a prediction of doom, but simply a statement of probability.

We all mess up. It’s a given. We stumble over a new year’s resolution. We miss an appointment or renege on a promise. The question is: what do we do when we err?

While painting together over the holidays, my 5 year old grandson, Ethan, treated me to a live life-lesson on handling ‘mistakes’. You’ll find his masterpiece posted with this message. Take a peak now. It will help make sense of the story.

Here’s what happened. Ethan set out to paint a small glass perfume bottle that sparkled on the window ledge in the studio. It did not go well.

He sat back and evaluated, noting that his image did not look at all like the bottle. However, he could see the possibility of a bird, so he added feathers and legs to make it so.

Once there was a bird in the picture, he added a tree trunk and branches, green leaves, red berries, a nest and eggs. Contemplating his pic so far, he remembered that squirrels like trees. So he set about adding a squirrel to the picture. It did not go well.

Once again, he sat back and took stock. What to do with a shapeless brown splotch? Inspiration arose. He would turn it into a slice of toast, as he knew from experience that birds like crumbs. He was sure it would all work out. And so it did!

I was amazed at his flexibility of mind and his ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Read More…

Posted under Artwork, Life Balance, Life in General, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines

Frosty The Snowman - Compliments of 5 Year Old Grandson, Ethan

For the last few years, I’ve devoted the final Pause message of December to focusing on one key idea.  Peace, joy, love, hope, kindness, and grace have all taken their turns in the spotlight.

As 2012 winds to an end, I find myself grateful for so many of the people and events of my life. And, so, gratitude steps forward to take its turn center stage.

The work of positive psychologists, like Martin Seligman, stresses the impact of gratitude on our sense of well-being. Even in the toughest of times, if you can find small blessings for which to be grateful, you can reset your emotional thermostat for comfort. That means less sweating it out in the heat of the moment and less shivering when life turns a cold shoulder in your direction.

I hope you enjoy reflecting on a few of my favorite quotes on gratitude. May you and yours find many reasons to be grateful at this time, and more throughout the year that lies ahead.

Thanks for staying tuned to the Pause message, and for sharing these ideas with family, friends and colleagues. Catch you on the flip side of the new year!

Appreciatively Yours, Pat

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings. – William Arthur Ward

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. – Maya Angelou

What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. – Colette Read More…

Posted under Appreciation, Life in General, Pause E-zines

Reflection: Clients tell me all the time that the most difficult challenge in the midst of overload is to know where to focus your attention and how to keep it there. Tasks seem equally important and there are lots of them in play. It’s easy to find yourself bouncing around accomplishing little or nothing at all – an experience that adds to the overwhelm.

When this happens to you (and this is one of those seasons when overload runs rampant), it’s time to practice chiaroscuro. What, you say? Chiaroscuro? No, you don’t need to know how to spell it or pronounce it, you just need to know how to use it.

In the world of art, chiaroscuro is a technique that highlights the main subject in the foreground, while shifting the lesser details into the shadows. When applied to a painting for instance, your eye may wander through the entire image, but because of the high contrast your attention repeatedly returns to the main event.

It’s a formal term for what my most recent art instructor told me would strengthen my watercolors. In his words, “Show more gumption with your darks.” And truly, when you add contrast, when you force a few elements into the background, the main focus pops to the fore. Read More…

Posted under Artwork, Life Balance, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines

University Bridge - Saskatoon

Reflection: Awfulizing: The act of blanketing an event or circumstance with a black cloud, assuming the absolute worst, and actively driving mind and heart into a downward spiral of doom. Been there? Done that?

Some time ago, I wrote about the concept of Discretionary Burdens – worries which may or may not be real. The DB’s are a common outcome of awfulizing. The DB idea generated a strong reaction, which prompted me to develop a DB quiz and work it into my presentations on stress, wellness and balance.

I thought you might enjoy checking your own practices for DB tendencies. Give yourself 1 point for each question to which you can answer ‘Yes’.

1. Have you ever exploded one small comment or action into a great big hairy deal?
2. Have you ever turned something you like to do into something you have to do?
3. In the absence of information have you ever made up your own?
4. Have you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror on an ordinary day, and wondered who is that miserable so and so and who peed in their cornflakes?
5. Have you ever translated a whiff of unsettling news into a full-blown disaster scenario?

Scoring Code: The closer to 5, the greater your awfulizing tendencies and the more you could be stressing yourself out unnecessarily. Read More…

Posted under Life Balance, Life in General, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines

Reflection: Meet Gil and Soto. They run the Breakfast Room at the Best Western Arroyo Roble in beautiful Sedona, Arizona. It’s a busy spot with travellers coming and going – solo business folks in a hurry, retired couples with all the time in the world, active families in hiking gear eager to hit the red rock country trails.

Over the years, I’ve stayed at a number of ‘breakfast included’ hotels. The quality of the food has varied, but what has been pretty consistent is the lackadaisical, ‘I’d rather be anywhere else than here’, atmosphere set by the staff who manage the service.

That’s what makes Gil and Soto stand out. In the midst of the busy morning press (greeting guests, answering questions, orienting new comers, replenishing food trays, clearing tables), they are unfailingly smiling, welcoming, and helpful.

On our last morning, I told Gil how much I appreciated the way he and Soto went about their jobs. He commented that he’d learned a thing or two over his many years in the workplace. He noted that coming to work with a smile on his face and a desire to be of service to others makes all the difference in how people respond and in the way he experiences the pressures of the work itself.

Read More…

Posted under Life Balance, Life in General, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines, Travel

Reflection: A recent movie featuring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman popularized the idea of the Bucket List – a set of experiences you hope/plan/long to have before you die (AKA ‘kicking the bucket’). Bucket Lists tend to feature splashy adventures and stretch experiences – the things that dreams are made of!

I actually find another bucket metaphor equally intriguing.  It’s an idea put forward by authors Rath and Clifton who suggest that each of us owns an invisible bucket and an invisible dipper. As we move through our lives, we are constantly filling or draining each other’s buckets of positive emotion – based on what we do and say.

We can top up another’s bucket with a positive comment or drain their bucket with a thoughtless action. Our interactions with others are rarely neutral – and those actions reflectively enhance or diminish our own levels in the process. As in, filling another’s bucket tops up our own bucket, too. And vice versa.

A full bucket generates positive outlooks and plenty of energy. An empty bucket spawns sour outlooks and gorbs of apathy.

Action: I like the image and I appreciate the idea. However, I suggest we take it one step further. Read More…

Posted under Appreciation, Life Balance, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines

Reflection: Have you ever found yourself hoping against all hope, that a great big honking chunk of open time would drop into your lap?

Well the chance of a bonus hour, day or week presenting itself is slim. And so I continue to be intrigued, when people tell me that their lives could be so much better and happier IF they just had more time – time to exercise, time to eat right, time to take a vacation, time to visit with friends, time to get the jump on a project at work or at home.

I’m starting to believe, that it’s more about the choice than it is about the time. You know we’ve all got the same 24 hours. Nothing new there.

Still, every minute of our day we make choices that are either expeditious or auspicious. Expeditious: dispatched with speed and efficiency. Auspicious: conducive to future success. Expeditious and auspicious aren’t always in conflict, but neither do they always lead to the same outcome. In both cases, consequences follow.

You’re late. So you toss your partner a harried ‘See you later’ over your shoulder instead of pausing to exchange a warm embrace and loving kiss. Time diff: 30 seconds.

You’re hungry. You grab a bag of potato chips and flip the lid off the high cal dip, instead of making the extra effort to dig further into the fridge for that bag of ready-to-eat carrots. Time diff: 1 minute Read More…

Posted under Appreciation, Life Balance, Overload & Overwhelm, Pause E-zines